Slave to Sign for Madrid; Additionally, the Sky is Falling, Pigs Can Fly, and Hell is Cold

By: Taylor Rockwell | December 17th, 2008

So, apparently, a rather talkative King Franco FC official has let it be known that the Slave-to-Madrid transfer is a done deal, and that the Portuguese winger will be heading over for an undisclosed amount this summer. Here is the actual dialogue of the recorded conversation involving Club Director Pedro Trapote:

“If you are asking me what we are going to do now then I would tell you that we have already signed the best player for the summer,” Trapote is quoted as saying.

“Are you talking about Cristiano?” was the reply.

“The best of the best. It is Cristiano, there is no other. It is better that we do not say anything at the moment though.

“Why can you not say anything. It is the best time because things are going badly and people need something to excite them in the middle of all this.

Trapote replied: “No, it is best to not say anything because there are some clauses that prevent us from announcing it now.”

Now, a cynical individual might point out that this “breaking news” could be nothing more than “absolute bullshit”. Could it be that a club who just fired their manager, lost to their most hated rival, and have no foreseeable hope for this season might be lashing out in a desperate bid to attempt to resemble the global power they supposedly are? No! Of course not. Did you hear that Madrid have also signed the unborn love-child of Zidane and Pele? Yes, it’s true. They’ve always put pen-to-paper with George Best’s remains and a Cesc Fabregas bobble head doll (they figured it was the next best thing to signing the Spaniard). So don’t be surprised when tomorrow’s headlines are “King Franco FC have signed British legend, a big-headed superstar, and a potential football prodigy.”

For now, take a deep breath, compose yourself, and then remember that King Franco FC will soon be getting their asses handed to them by United (and Slave) in the Champions League Round of Sixteen. If that’s not enough, then check the tags to this article for (hopefully) something to make you giggle.